Happy Earth Day! Please be kind to the planet and love your fellow creatures…even if they are missing a horn and licking their nose.
Here’s a double bill as ill conceived as Beethoven followed by Cujo: beige debris with a side portion of pinkened wallpaper paste.
Marvel at the top photograph which depicts a lonely Yorkshire pudding enthusiast performing a one person food show in front of a voyeuristic trio of terrifying gnome dolls.
Take it from me, you have to be at a pretty low point in your life to want to parade your culinary inadequacies in front of an audience while they watch you from behind a distorted frame.
As a teenager I once witnessed a very similar sight on holiday in Amsterdam whilst stumbling back to my youth hostel.
The seedy gnomes on that occasion were some portly, tonsured, businessmen and the dead eyed diner wasn’t eating the sunken remains of a roast dinner, but rather something far less appealing to my drug addled senses.
Finally, I’ve been published on a major food site. Suck it, all others.
The dimness is strong in these ones, you can almost taste the quiet desperation and saturated fats that ooze from these images.
Another twitter collage and one of the most varied in terms of world cuisine and levels of emotional decrepitude.
From the top we have:
A hungry man’s challenge, Natalie’s world famous prolapsed eggy bread, a ham roll that looks like a dolphin, brown, failed profiteroles, Ben Grimm’s testicles, remnants of a crisp sandwich, a pathetic taco, a dangerously old curry, and the only food left in one of my poor reader’s freezer.